


Those days

by bangotagun



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Cuddling & Snuggling, Drabble, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-15 10:20:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29806947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bangotagun/pseuds/bangotagun
Summary: Hisoka was having one of those really bad days.
Relationships: Hisoka/Illumi Zoldyck
Comments: 2
Kudos: 82





	Those days

Hisoka was having one of those really bad days. He woke up with a heavy feeling on his chest, his stomach turning and a knot in his throat he couldn't swallow.

Ever since Illumi moved in, days like that started to be less common, probably because he wasn't alone all the time, but every once in a while they made its appearance, the past he tried so hard to forget would haunt him down, the vivid memories making him shiver.

But Illumi was there. His ever so beautiful and out of reality fiance, who was not the best at dealing with his own emotions or recognizing his own trauma, let alone give Hisoka support with his turmoil.

He was used to waking up earlier, Illumi was still asleep by his side, face relaxed, hair everywhere. Hisoka sucked all his tears before getting up. It was hard but would perhaps be harder to explain in words to a concerned Illumi what he was feeling so he proceed with the morning routine, trying his best to soft his expression and ease his shoulders. Hisoka looked at himself in the mirror.

"Everything is fine. I am fine." He whispered as the great liar he was.

Like usual, Hisoka started to make breakfast, this time just for Illumi because he wasn't sure if he could eat anything now, nausea acting up. He put the table while the toasts were getting ready and as soon everything was finished he went back to the bedroom.

"Wake up sleepyhead." His voice was small, tender as he touched Illumi's shoulder with just enough pressure to be noted.

"Too early, Soka." He didn't even open his eyes.

"C'mon, darling the coffee is ready."

Illumi shifted on his moves and before Hisoka could react he was on top of him a needle pointed at his neck.

"Uh?" That was all Hisoka could muster to say. The eldest Zoldyck son scanned him with his eyes, slowly relaxing.

"Sorry, your voice sounded strained, I thought maybe wasn't you." Illumi got up going to the bathroom. "Is everything fine?"

Hisoka blinked, he usually would be excited with this kind of reaction for Illumi, if it was another day he would do it by purpose just to start the morning differently, but it wasn't a good day, he couldn't even react so he just laid there for a bit, concentrating in not letting the tears escape from his eyes.

"Soka? Is everything alright?" Illumi asked again, closer this time.

He took a deep breath before opening a big smile. "Yes, sweetheart. Let's eat before things cool down."

Illumi was suspiciously looking at him while eating. He had to leave after for a reunion with his dad and Kalluto so Hisoka would be by himself. He knew the family meeting would take all day so he tried to think of ways to occupy his mind while alone.

Hisoka started by cleaning up the whole house again, put things in their place always seemed to ease him a little. He sorted his wardrobe and Illumi's, changing the color order, organized his shoes by heel height and his earings by price.

Then he went to exercise in his private gym, songs blasting so loudly that he couldn't hear his thoughts, and before he realized he was already exhausted and ready to bed. Illumi wasn't home yet so he took a quick shower and laid down. Maybe it was for the best.

—

When Hisoka woke up again he was covered in sweat and his breath uneven. Tears spilled from his eyes, his whole body shivered without control. A nightmare. Vivid and viscerally real as it was a bunch of memories on top of each other tormenting him.

"Hisoka..." Illumi's voice sounded concerned, grounding. He was panting. "Hey, hey copy the way I breathe."

He did as he was told to, things slowly getting less messy on his head. For Hisoka fear was an unusual feeling, not unknown because it used to be the only thing he was able to perceive for a really long time, it was like an old friend.

"Are you feeling better, dear?" Hisoka smiled weakly, Illumi never called him by pet names.

"I am fine, just a bad dream." His hands still in fists on the blanket and the anguish in his chest still haven't vanished.

"Are you sure? You want something?" Illumi touched his face gently. Hisoka denied. "You are shaking. I will bring you some water."

"No, don't go." Hisoka held his wrist.

"Alright." Illumi laid down by his side, holding his hand. "Can I hold you?" He asked in a whisper.

"Hold me?" His voice was hoarse by all the crying.

"Yes, like I used to do with Killua when he had bad dreams."

Hisoka nodded not trusting his voice. Illumi was very delicate positioning Hisoka's back against his chest, their fingers intertwined, and the Zoldyck leg on top of the other man.

Illumi was very warm and soft. Comfortable. The beating of his heart slowing Hisoka's down. It's like the world wouldn't get to him if he stayed like this, his head clearing up.

"This is nice." He said in a small voice.

"Yes, it is." Illumi kissed his shoulder. "Turn to me." Hisoka obeyed. "You want to talk about it?"

"No."

"That's ok Are you feeling better?"

"Mhm." Illumi kissed his eyes, he sighed.

"I love you."

"Love you too."

Hisoka kissed him, hand on his. He felt very safe for once, Illumi warmth and tender touches making everything peaceful again.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you liked it.
> 
> you can always talk to me on twitter @forwwx


End file.
